"Daddy, what is diplomacy?" asked little Bill, just home from school. "Well, son, it is like this," replied his dad. "If I were to say to your mother, 'Your face would stop a clock,' that would be stupidity. But if I were to say, 'When I look at you, time stands still,' that is diplomacy!"
A man went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, you will have to help me. I can't help thinking that I am a dog. I even chew bones, bark, and lie on the mat in the evenings." Said the psychiatrist, "Just lie on that couch...." "I am not allowed to!" he cried.