"Whisky and whisky alone is responsible for your deplorable condition!" the judge admonished the drunken prisoner, who was a professor -- maybe a professor of psychology. "Glad to hear you say that, judge," beamed the drunk. "My wife says it's all my fault!"
A backwoods preacher was exhorting his followers about sin and morality. Finally he demanded, "I want every virgin in this congregation to stand up!" Nobody moved. Again he shouted, "Every virgin in this congregation, rise!" Finally a woman with an infant in her arms got up. "Didn't you hear me, woman?" yelled the preacher. "I said the virgins!" Replied the woman, "How do you expect a three-month old baby to get up by herself?"
A habitual drunk staggered up to the front door of a home late one night, and kept rapping loudly until a lady in pyjamas came to answer.
"Par'n me, ma'am," he lushes, "this is an emergency. Can you tell me where Mulla Nasrudin lives?"
"Why," she exclaimed, "you are Mulla Nasrudin yourself!"
"I know, I know," he replied, "but that still doesn't answer the question -- where does he live?"
Mulla Nasrudin was talking to a woman and saying great things, was getting very romantic. He was saying, "Your eyes -- never, never have they happened before. And your face -- it is just like the moon. And
the glow that surrounds you, and the vibe that you create -- it is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened." And he went on and on. And, of course, as women are very practical, the woman asked, "Are you going to marry me, Nasrudin?" Nasrudin said, "Please, don't change the subject!"